Just moments ago I ranted on my journal about being selfish. I mostly stated I sometimes want to be selfish because I am tired to be the one who always understand, to give, to be empathetic. I bold the statement: Others demand to be understood when they don’t even have the decency to understand.
But of course, even with a tired heart, I still have a sound mind. I am the type of person who always think what others might be feeling that resulted the way they do things. I am that way but I get tired too. In my stubborn state, I whisk away the conscience that tells me you cannot stay selfish for so long because you are not that way. I am human, I get sad, I get hurt, I misunderstood, I rant, I get mad, I say things that in the end I know I didn’t mean. But I want to savor a moment wherein I am the one who gets to shut away everything and just fend for myself. What if it’s just myself that I ever have to think about?
Sounds…terrifying. Because even if other people could be like that, I cannot see myself being a person who has no heart. I am not a nun, I am not being preachy here. Because as far as I know I have my limits. But I realize I can do something. I can inspire others to apply the double standards.
What do I mean by ‘double standard’, you ask? Yesterday, I stumbled upon (again) Richard & Maricar Poo’s blog: www.relationshipmatters.ph . Basically, the blog consists of the insights of the couple regarding marriage and relationship. And one entry of Maricar mentioned double standards. To quote her “In the end, I could not practice the standard of ‘niceness’ that I was demanding from my husband, yet I was expecting it from him.”
As what I got from the entry, let us all be mindful that before we even ask or demand something from anyone, check yourself if you have ever practiced that first. We use the term double standard when things are unfair. And I like how Maricar put in the good light. You must think, say, walk the talk before demanding everyone around you to do the same.
It’s too easy to say things when you’re in a heated argument. Emotions rise, words you never meant to say when you’re calm were being thrown out in the open that ultimately hurt others. Sometimes this is good, to get off your chest the heavy feeling you’re enduring. But most of the times, you have to make sure that your words will not make a mark forever.
I rant about being not understood when I think I am being too understanding. What should I do? Relax. Clear my mind. See the good things in life. Believe that someday people will learn, will change. Because I know they will.
For now, I think I just need a Vitamin G.
P.S. (More like, note to self) Don’t let your mind be poisoned on the darkness of the world. It’s Satan’s working inside your mind. Clear your head and let the purity of love descend to us. So that whatever that is in your mind would be translated in your words and action. Think of all the goodness in the world. Your heart will not ever rot.