This, I think will be the very first time I would write about my relationship with my very first boyfriend ever. I don’t know why I haven’t yet since we’re practically going on our 8th month and it is only now I would share things on my blog (apart from the occasional adventures I posted entries ago). Maybe I don’t want to divulge much about my personal life, though having a blog is as personal as it gets. All I’m saying is I think sharing about us is as private as I think it is.
So why write now, you ask? Well, maybe because it’s time. It’s time to share this odyssey I am currently experiencing with someone I gave my trust, faith and love to.
The other night, Mark fetch me from work. See, he goes out of work at 5pm, and when my schedule for work does not permit me to go out early (usually 6pm), he would go straight home and wouldn’t wait for me. And I was touched because he waited for 3hours just to see me with a burger and fries on his hands. It became even more meaningful because we had our “tampuhan” days before. About what, I wouldn’t expound it anymore. So having to see, hug, and kiss him on that day he fetched me were all I needed to feel extra light. To be assured I’m still loved. (insert mushy feels here)
We’re both having rough days for the past week, individually and relationship-wise. We are both currently feeling tired from our jobs, and that’s not just tired-from-the whole-day’s-work but tired in the sense that we feel that we’re already wasting our energy and effort in something we feel we get less fulfillment. And with that overwhelming stress, misunderstanding came flowing and before we know it, we’re having heavy hearts already towards everything!
Amidst this, I prayed to God. I prayed to give me more patience, to widen my understanding, to open my heart and ears so I could listen to what He will say, and what Mark will say to me. That He will make me calm in dealing with all of this and with an open mind.
It wasn’t easy telling yourself to let it go and lower your pride. It really wasn’t easy when you have demons inside you whispering to you words that make you scared. It wasn’t easy putting aside your own issues and explaining yourself to someone with care because you might hurt his feelings in the process when you are both hurting already.
But God’s divine love helped me. He made me humble when my pride got in the way. He made me listen when my ears refuse to hear. He made me silent when there were words I would like to say but might hurt him more. And for giving me a strong and loving heart because if not, I would have given up. And of course, for Mark. I thank God for giving me a man who doesn’t give up on me and making sure that our love for each other would win over anything that would destroy us.