When Fate moves

I am sure everybody has someone they like, like really like. No matter how shallow the reason was or how deep the feeling could get, there’s that one person you so admire and dream of having connection with.

Having started my entry with this, it’s obvious to say that this is gonna be about a certain person. About a guy whom I got a very intense feelings I couldn’t shake off through time. About that someone whom I had liked since high school.

I never got hopeful that someday we’ll end up together. Because from the very start, I know it won’t materialize. I just don’t want to expect, I guess. It’s just like a “suntok sa buwan” thing. That no matter how much you try to get close to someone, he won’t reciprocate…he won’t give back.

Just a while ago before going to the church, a friend told me to take the risk of asking him out! Yes! She wants me to ask that person to go out with me. And I was like, okay…I’ll try. What could get wrong right? My ass would just be on the line, waiting to be put to shame. Yeah. Sure.

But the hopeless romantic bone in me still wants it to happen by chance. You know, without setting the date and all. Serendipity in motion. I know right. Too cheesy. Too ideal. But that’s me, what can I do?

When I arrived at our parish, I decided to visit the Blessed Sacrament. But I was not contented. There was this voice in my head which whispered that I should go inside the church and hear the mass. I am already late for it–it’s the Liturgy of the Eucharist already–but still I entered the building and went to my spot, just beside the choir place.  Seats were already occupied so I just stood there at the back of the pews.  After the Our Father part, the man in front of me turned around and said Peace be with you to me. Imagine my surprise when I recognized him! Him! And boy, he was equally surprised!

When the communion part came, I rushed to his side. He stood up and we both lined up. After the mass, he approached me and jokingly said, “Tara libre mo ‘ko”. And the dalagang Filipina in me protested. He should be the one treating me for a drink! Meh.

Outside the church, we saw familiar faces and we stopped to greet our respective friends. And because of this, we got separated! Thinking that this chance must not be wasted, I texted him. And after some minutes, he found me.

I don’t want to call it a date. Hell, it really isn’t, is it? We’re just two adults having a chat over cups of Milk Tea in the same table. That’s just it! Really, that was just it!

And during our conversation, I came up with a decision. I could not play his game. The mixed signals he was sending, those were totally frustrating. I mean, if you like the person make her feel that she’s special, say it! If not, let her be, utang na loob!

He wants the chase? Fine. Start the game. But then, I won’t run after him. It gets tiring at some point, don’t you think?

At this time of my life, I am done playing.

I want…stability, romance, honesty, genuineness. Love.

And I guess it’s gonna be a long, long road…still.

Darn, this is mentally dehydrating!

Enough of him, I decide!

Que sera sera.

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